My wife was sleeping. I took a shower and
put some cream rinse in my hair. I wanted to look my best. I put on a pair
of jeans and a t-shirt. I did some sit-ups. I looked in the mirror. My hair
was wet. I drank a can of diet 7-Up. I went outside.
The sun was up. My eyes saw everything. The vast blue sky. The little
puffs of cloud. The almost painfully green tops of the trees. But I was
immune to the pain.
I got in the car and put on my sunglasses. I adjusted the cars
mirrors, tilted the wheel down. I turned the ignition key. The engine fired.
I wanted a cup of coffee. The donut shop was up the street and to the
right. So I turned right.
The streets were empty, except for the odd early shift worker walking
to the bus stop or standing in his driveway next to his car.
In the donut shop there were three construction workers standing
awkwardly in their work boots. Their pickup trucks were idling out in the
parking lot.
I knew the day was coming when I would have to go out and take
positive steps. I’d been watching for the right day. This morning had looked
perfect. I was at my ideal weight. My jeans fit nicely. This was the day.
And yet, these construction workers standing in the donut shop were making
me nervous. Maybe everything wasn’t just right. Maybe the vibes were
slightly wrong. Maybe I should go back home now, before it was too late.
Somehow I’d got it in my head that today would be a good day for
everyone – that people would see my sense of purpose and smile at me.
Every man needs to have a dream, a single thread of purpose that
drags him through his life and gives him a reason to get up in the morning.
A man must always keep one eye on his dream and pursue it no matter what. He
must move past all the clutter and crap that life dishes out. He must accept
setbacks and, above all, he must have patience, never losing sight of his
dreams, always knowing that the setbacks are temporary and if only he has
faith he will accomplish his dream, because, in
I moved toward the donut counter with new determination.
“Coffee, just cream,” I said. “And a chocolate éclair.”
The lady at the counter looked at me and I thought I detected a look
of respect in her eye.
“Make it double cream,” I said, just to hear my voice, just to
experience this new feeling of authority. Even the baker turned when he
heard me speak and the three construction workers seemed to notice me for
the first time.
I was the stranger in their lives, the man with the aura. They would
go through their day inspired by what they had seen here this morning. They
would go home tonight and tell their wives about me. Their children would
stare wide-eyed across the dinner table as they heard about the man who
entered the donut shop that morning and ordered coffee with double cream.
Too much cream, I thought after I took a sip while crossing
the parking lot to my car.
As I struggled to remove the car keys from my pocket, I dropped my
éclair in a puddle. I looked at it and swore. I thought about picking it up.
I could see the puddle water seeping into the brown paper bag. I never
should have parked by a puddle. I looked back into the donut shop, expecting
to see everyone laughing. No one was even looking. No one had noticed my
fallen éclair.
I got in the car and drove back past our apartment and toward the
sunrise.
Soon I was past the city limits, streaking by farm fields and passing
through small towns. I drove for three hours and then stopped at small
restaurant in a little town. I decided I would have lunch and then carry on.
I went into the restaurant and ordered a bacon cheeseburger and a
chocolate shake. I sat at the counter. The girl who served me was young. She
smiled at me when I ordered. We made small talk. Pretty soon my burger came.
I began to gain some confidence. Out here in the country where people
were happy to serve burgers and make small talk. I ate the burger and
watched the girl clean glasses and peel potatoes.
There was a highway that headed north out of the town. I decided
north was the proper direction. After lunch, I headed north.
